Finding Light in the Holidays

The holiday season is thought to be a jubilant, festive time of year. But for many people who have experienced a significant loss, whether that loss is a death, loss of health, divorce, or any event that has led to feelings of grief, the holidays bring with them reminders of what was and what could have been. These two thoughts can create guilt and/or depression, the most difficult emotions to conquer in the grieving process. So how can someone make it through this time of year in a meaningful way, not just by going through the motions and yearning for it to finally be over? While the answer to this is individual, we can draw from the holidays themselves as examples of how light, both literally and metaphorically, can provide for us a way to remember, to honor, and to celebrate our lives, our past, and our future.

The holidays celebrated during December – Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa – all incorporate the use of light. The origin of Christmas lights is that the Christmas star represented G-d’s fulfillment of His promise to provide the Savior to the world. Christmas lights are meant to be a reminder of the meaning of Christmas and the spirit of joyfulness G-d bestowed upon the world. Hanukkah is the Festival of Lights. The Menorah (candle holder) is lit to remember and honor the miracle of the oil that lasted for eight days during the rededication of the Temple during the time of the Maccabees (2^nd century BCE). The light is meant to be seen from outside of people’s homes to remind everyone of the miracle of the oil that had only been meant to last one day. Kwanzaa is a seven day celebration of African American culture and unity. The Kinara (candle holder) represents the ancestral African people and the Mishumaa Saba (the seven candles that are lit) symbolize the seven principles and values that African Americans are encouraged to live by. Diwali is another significant Festival of Light (this year Diwali was in October). Also, Ramadan celebrations typically include lanterns and lights in the streets (this year Ramadan was in the summer).

The holidays incorporate light as a metaphor for a deeper meaning or tradition. The flickering flames of candles or the glow of festive lighting create a reaction in people that triggers feelings of warmth, comfort, and youthful delight. How can this carry over for someone who feels very much in the dark during this time of year? There is of course the use of light through festive lighting or candles that can help remind and honor the past in a personal sense as it is meant to do in the Holiday metaphors. Many people will light a candle to honor and remember someone or something that was lost. A favorite ornament or way of decorating the house with lights to feel closer to someone no longer home to share in the holiday is another (many parents feel significant loss after their youngest children leave the family home and maintain traditions that their children loved to feel closer to them during the holidays).

There is also an inner light, a nurturing of the soul, that can be sparked, or if already ignited, made brighter. Everyone is different, and the fire within each of us burns in a different rhythm and is fed by different things. However, there are things that most people find to be good kindling for this fire within. The first is to give to others, to find someone else that can benefit from what you have to give – whether it is sharing a good cry with a friend, bringing your leftovers from a restaurant to a homeless person on the street, or volunteering your time to a worthwhile, and pertinent, organization or movement. Sharing your time, your self, and your heart with another person can warm your spirit in ways that are immeasurable.

The second, and in my opinion the most important, is to validate and respect the emotions you are experiencing, while also making room for new and positive emotions minus the guilt or negative self talk. What does this mean? Well, it’s different for everyone, but basically this means that sadness and hurt and anger, while horrible to feel, are sometimes necessary. Feeling these emotions does not mean that you are limited from also experiencing joy and laughter. Many people find themselves avoiding situations like holiday parties where they are fearful of being happy and therefore feeling guilty for feeling happy. You can be sad for a loss and still deserve moments of happiness too.

Ultimately, it is up to you to determine what will create a light within you during the holidays, what will provide you with warmth and comfort. Find your light in the darkness and feed that light throughout the holidays and search for ways to keep that light going throughout the whole year.